How To Confront a Suspected Cheating Spouse ?
I’m sorry that you had to search and come to this page.
I know and understand how devastating and shattering is the feeling of being cheated. You are sad, depressed, and feel betrayed for as far as you look back. Those good old days and heartwarming memories are now nothing more than a dream. Something that you will now try to forget for your whole life. Although this may sound overly rated and repeated, things will get better and you will get over it. I will share with you what are the steps you can take to prevent further making things worse for you and if you haven’t done it yet, how can you confront your cheating spouse about it.
How To Confront a Suspected Cheating Spouse?
I wish there was a one-word answer to this question but honestly, there are no steps or magical words that can undo something as complex and difficult as this.
Are you Sure About Your Spouse Cheating On You?
Don’t move any further before you are not able to tick off this box. If in any doubt just don’t confront him right now. You have to be 100% sure about his affair before you approach and demand a confrontation from your spouse. This may sound very difficult as being in a doubt and not being able to get a clear answer immediately could lead to excessive restlessness.
However hard it might be, there are strict “Don’ts” that you should not do. For instance, invading his/her privacy by checking his emails and phone calls, social media accounts or even going as far as following them around or calling their friends to check their location.
This behavior although might appeal to you very much but it’s all about honesty that counts and makes a marriage happy.
Your marriage’s fundamental pillars should be based on honesty and trust and if your partner catches you spying on him/her, tables can turn, and now it would be you who will be held guilty for invading your partner’s privacy.
Instead of being ethically wrong, you can start observing better and look for the following things to understand that whether your partner is even cheating on you or not?
Do you notice Your spouse be more distant towards you?
Are they always ready to start or make situations that would promote fights? How long has it been since you two have had quality time together? Or have had sex? If you have noticed some tremendous changes in these behaviors compared with the old days, they may be into someone else.
Have you observed anything fishy?
The huge tell-tale of whether your partner is cheating or not with you is how they treat their phones. Are they always on their phone texting someone? Or have they recently changed their password or put the phone on silent mode.
If you notice them making a rush to be alone when their phone rings or they are acting all strange and secretive while texting a certain someone it could be an alarming situation. If on asking them to let you use their phone they freak out, then it could mean that they are scared that you would find something inappropriate in their phones.
Keep An Eye On Your Spouse’s Spending Habits
Is your bank account going abnormally down other than the monthly planned expenses? Is your spouse has been spending huge cash into buying something? You should approach them and get an answer. Because it’s not wrong or rude of you to interrogate your partner about his spending habits. Although, if their response is not something that you were expecting and its somewhat fishy or off, it could mean that they are cheating.
Always know about your partner’s whereabouts.
If they are not with you, then you have all the right to know where they are. And it’s not even rude or unethical to probe on their locations. By knowing where they are and the reason, you should be able to put two and two together. If they say they are a library, for instance, check to see if that library is even open at that time? You might unveil some very simple lying pattern of your spouse through this.
WARNING: Even if your conclusion is yes, your spouse satisfies all the four conditions above, it does not state that your partner is cheating on you. Although it will let you know that if your partner is behaving in a certain manner, then why are they?
Of course, there are other, more drastic ways to find out if your spouse is cheating. You might consider hiring a private investigator, although it could be a hard choice that you make as the cons of a private investigator are always higher. As it would be considered as a huge betrayal whether or not your spouse is found guilty, however, you can choose this option if you are very desperate and can’t find rest without knowing the answer as well as can afford it financially.
Once you are confirmed (or as confirmed as you might get) that your partner has found solace outside your relationship, the next question would be what to do now?
Your reaction highly depends on your goal here:
- Would you stay if they turn out to be cheating?
- Would you end the marriage?
- Are you 100% sure you won’t regret your course of action?
If you are still on my page and have decided to continue reading it states that you have made up your mind to confront your spouse in a way that won’t burn any bridges and would leave a way back to patch things up.
What To Do Before You Confront Your Cheating Spouse
I know this would be difficult for you, especially you’ll be dreading their response and how they act. But keep in mind that you need to stay calm throughout so that you don’t make things any worse. One other thing that you need to be aware of is that your spouse will go in a defensive and angry mode once you confront them about your knowledge, be prepared for that as well.
They would surely deny anything you say and would tell you that you have gone made or are acting strangely. Prep yourself and make sure you don’t escalate things any further.
I would recommend you that before starting the conversation, know exactly what you will be talking about. Expect a fiery and a defensive response in return and talk in a non-accusing tone so that your spouse feels it’s okay to let you know.
No matter how much you know or how much evidences you are equipped with, there are still chances that you have misunderstood your partner, therefore, give him/her a good chance to explain themselves out.
As much evidence as you may have, there may always be a chance that there’s a misunderstanding. Give them a chance to prove you wrong.
Remember the purpose of you confronting Your Spouse to know the truth. Not accusing them of anything.
Don’t get aggressive or start yelling and lashing out at him/her, spitting things that you would regret later. Try your best to keep yourself calculated throughout, your tone your language, and emotions.
Catch Your Spouse Lying
However, if your partner is a good liar and you know about it, try to make him confuse and lie to you. Try to keep calm and ask questions on a question to which you already know the answers. Your spouse would try to come out of this situation and would surely lie about something. If they are very good at sneaking and fooling around people easily, they will be eventually able to cover their lies and come out clean, leaving you not knowing the answers, ever.
That is why I would suggest working on this strategically.
1. Ask them where they were last night.
2. If they say at the pub, probe further about the name of the pub.
3. Whatever name they give you, tell them your best-friend was there too the whole night long and didn’t see you.
4. Observe their body language to see if they panic or are they relaxed.
5. If you find them lying, accuse them of cheating.
6. And if you are not sure, continue to probe further.
This is a very long process as you will have to ask them one thing again and again and see if they tend to change their answers. That’s because when you are lying over a lot of things, you get confused yourself. It’s the only truth that does not confuse you.
Once you are done probing and have concluded their cheating, present them with the reasons why and how you know that they are cheating into your relationship. Remember they will get defensive and would lash out at you, instead of firing back, just show them the evidence that you have got. Once both of you are calm and are ready to talk things out, make up your mind that whether you can stay in this relationship any longer or not.
Make the hard choice
There are two ways:
1. You either want to save this marriage, do that by asking all the questions that you want answers to. Why it happened, how it happened and can it ever happen again?
2. The marriage is not worth saving anymore- this is something that solely you should be able to decide.
Although I would say that no one deserves to be cheated on twice. And that there is no step by step guide to confronting your partner, the point is to know the truth and move on.
Have you enjoyed reading this article? Was it able to answer your question, “How to confront a suspected cheating spouse? “If it did and you have something to say about it, leave a comment below.