How To Fight For Your Marriage Alone Without Talking About It
If you’re trying to fight for your marriage alone, let me tell you it’s not an easy job, especially when you alone take responsibility to fix the problems. The question here is that weather is it even possible for you to fix your marriage even when you’re the only one is trying.
This does happen when your spouse is not willing to put effort into it either because they don’t fancy change in their life and they are too lazy to make any effort or they simply deny that there is anything that needs changing.
Regrettably, this can mean that things are rushing toward divorce and you need to take matters in your hand before it gets too late.
So, if your spouse is not ready to put any effort in your marriage and you can’t imagine a life without your spouse, I have some good news for you! You can still save your marriage without taking any help from your spouse.
You just have to follow my advice, and you will see positive results; the marriage will be gradually back to the right path and your spouse will be with you. Forever.
How to fight for your marriage alone?
You can follow ways that can let your spouse live with you and stop them from leaving you. You may follow some tricks and tips that can save your marriage from falling apart for a short time but then things will be back to the previous track. Or maybe they can damage the relationship more than before.
Many people find crying and begging their spouse a better and tempting way to stop leaving them, but it can make them feel sorry for you but it never changes their mind.
These types of reactions will only worsen the situation because it shows your weakness and out of control behavior.
Emotional fuss only creates more fuss. Don’t use your family or your kids as a weapon, or don’t tell what can be the dangerous results he/she might face if they leave you and do not try to insult them. This can only create more chaos in your married life than before.
You may stop them by putting a gun on their head, but do you feel it is the right decision? Or can it solve anything? The issues will be there as before just suppressed for a time being.
Paul Newman once said that people stay in a marriage because they want to live in a married relationship not because they are forced to do so as the doors are locked.
It doesn’t mean you have to lose hope. If you give up and eat a whole tin of food it will not solve your problem either.
If you are taking interest in this reading material it means you are still hopeful in your relation and wants to save it alone. It’s’ like difficult hiking to a hilltop, but now you’ve already taken the first step.
How to save your marriage alone
Take saving the marriage as an assigned task or project. It needs lots of work, planning, some of your time, and little things that you can start today.
Think differently about marriage problems
Putting your marriage back to track is not easy. It is not about the “never fight again” motto. It is not a realistic approach. Arguments can’t be prevented as they are a part of a healthy relationship. Meanwhile, you can’t ignore your spouse or your own feelings. You can control only one thing and that is your behavior when you both argue. You need to have a cool mindset and try to keep calm as much as you can.
Secondly consider how you are taking your arguments; are you putting them correctly or not. Sometimes the wrong selection of words can make the fight worsen.
Just think about how you are using the word “I”. Pay attention to people when they argue with each other; there is always a certain pattern. People mostly say that “you do this” or it’s like you are always like that. When people use the word “you” it makes your spouse feel that they are totally responsible for all the wrong reasons. It makes them feel isolated and make things even worse than before. Try to use words like I or we more in arguments than “you” or “you should”. For instance, say “I feel that it would be much better if we drop our kids to camp together.”
This is also called as using “I” statements. It works miracles in relations during arguments.
Give a fresh start to your Love
When marriage is stuck in some terrible situations, it might result in continuous fighting and arguments; these all time quarrels and arguments may rise to stress and sadness and in extreme cases, may result in one of the partners to give up on the relationship and start seeking a divorce. This thought must make you feel sad or depressed that your spouse is not willing to take a stand for their marriage and to be honest it’s kind of natural too.
But don’t forget that you are fighting to save your marriage. You are worried and trying because you want to spend all of your life with this person you are married to. That makes them a very special person.
Mignon McLaughlin said that a successful marriage is indicated by falling in love with the same person again and again.
Think about why you loved that person at the first place. Think how they made you feel special and different and what are the reasons for marrying that particular person.
Just always keep those things in your mind, especially, when you are in the middle of some heated argument. When you think in this way that will make you treat them with love and affection and not as an opponent.
Refresh your memories and remember; what the nice things that made them feel special were? Maybe they were a bouquet, or a cute message or some words which you have not used for a long time. Just keep in mind that if you want to save your marriage alone you can definitely do that by taking prompt actions.
It’s common that when things tend to get bad we start treating our partner good and with care. So we need to put this thing in our mind that this is the time when we need most of the kindness of our partner.
One can’t act like there is nothing happening. But when you are working things out with a positive and affectionate approach; they will definitely move towards improvement between you two.
When your spouse sees your efforts and feels that you still care for them, and taking care of their happiness, they will also begin to do the same.
Look for marriage support
Saving a relationship on your own is a tough job. Look out for those who consider you dear to them like your close trusted friends and family members. Make sure it’s not bad-mouthing your husband. Sometimes we feel it tempting enough to blow off steam in front of your best friend. But badmouthing may worsen the situation and make it grow. This can create a toxic environment even if the argument is long over it may leave the impact on your relation and marriage.
In this place maintain your patience, stay calm and discuss the issues logically and exactly as they are; and try to find some real answers.
When you are at the top of your emotional disaster, and you get an idea or advice from an outsider; it might give you a proper perspective and right solutions. These might be the ideas you can never think of on your own.
If your spouse does not want to work on the marriage and their problems – then marriage counseling is something that is out of the box. Even if you insist and make them visit one they will be always blaming you for doing so and, never do what they are asked for. So you have to work underline.
There is also another option that is to sign up for my online Marriage Coaching it can be helpful as it works without the involvement of both partners and they don’t even realize about it.
If you’re taking your marriage very seriously, you should consider seeking professional marriage help. Mort Fertel Marriage Fitness Program is one of the best and popular marriage-saving programs on the internet, his success rate is very high over 90%, I highly recommend you to check his program, and I’m pretty sure he can help you get your marriage back on track before things get out of your control.
or if you need more info about the program, you can check our Marriage Fitness Review and read Chris’s success story how he was able to work on his marriage and bring intimacy back to his life.
If you’re unhappy it will affect the quality of your marriage
This is a simple and straightforward fact. Just look around you and see whose marriages fell apart. Do they look happy with a positive outlook? Your answer might be no in majority cases. Negative approach and negative actions led to a negative result i.e. broken and unhappy marriages.
You might respond here that you are unhappy because your marriage is not happy. But facts are different from it. Marriage is not only the source of your happiness there are many factors in your life that provide you happiness and may affect your marriage.
Please note: Not all mental issues can be addressed by the power of will. If you feel depressed or having suicidal thoughts then you might need professional help immediately.
Arguments are part of everyone’s life and it’s not the end of life. Your marriage certainly has some serious problems and they needed to be solved. But you will be surprised to see things changing when you look at them with different perspectives. It is a fact that when you are consistently bricking with your spouse over small matters, the reason might be different. It’s not your marriage – it might be other things in your life that lack attention and excitement. Pay attention to them and things will start getting better.
Try and find something excited outside your marriage and relation. Go out and take some exercise classes. Start writing a journal. Try something new like woodworking. If all of this is not possible due to lack of time and money, try small and simple things – like overdue cleaning or organizing a room or clothe drawers.
When you start taking actions even though they are small; you start feeling changes from being powerless to someone with new energy and powers; that will definitely extend to all parts of your life.
It’s not necessary to work on your spouse all the time. Work on your own being. Bring changes and they will eventually start noticing them they will feel how happy and energetic you are- moreover, they will get a positive vibe that you are paying attention to yourself more than on their behavior.
Simon Signoret once said that marriages are not tied together by chains. They are sewed together with threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which keep people together in marriage.
Is my marriage worth saving or it’s doomed to fail?
All marriages are not worth saving. Not all of them should or can be saved. It is an ill-fated and bitter fact that sometimes things are not meant to work together. If your marriage has reached the point where it is filled with emotional toxins, violence, affecting your health or work even; then it’s better to move on with your life and let things go.
It’s also a fact that some things are said easier than done; but most important is that you are honest and truthful to yourself. It’s you who can answer the questions if this marriage worth saving or not; or are there any opportunities left to turn things around.