I Caught My Husband Watching Porn What Should I Do?

There is a good chance that your husband watches porn. Astonishingly around 47% of Christians told, that a member watching pornography is a major problem at the house according to statistics by Family Safe.

It is not just that the husband watches porn seldom and wife is annoyed. According to a report by ConvenantEyes:

Men of ages 18-30: 79% view pornography once or twice a month while around 63% view it quite a lot of times every week.

Men aged 31-49: 67% view pornography at least once a month and 38% view it a number of times a week.

Men aged 50-68: 49% view pornography once or twice a month and 25% view pornography numerous times a week.

It is a whopping number of men who watch it regularly!!

I caught my husband watching porn

It includes Christian men who watch pornography. The same report by Convent Eyes also revealed that around 64% Christian men and 15% Christian women view pornography once a month if not several times. The report also revealed that 39% Christian men and 13% Christian women describe their viewing pornography as extreme.

The church has a current pornography issue but if you learn about it on your husband’s phone or PC, you won’t care about what the church and the issue. You will be stuck with your husband who watches pornography and you cannot think about others.

And you are bound to feel betrayed, hurt and empty for the same reason. It will hurt and you would think you are overreacting but in reality, you are not because the pain is unmanageable.

The important question is you caught your husband watching porn what does it mean and what should you do?

 

Should I get Upset if I Caught My Husband Watching Porn?

Long story short, Yes, you should be upset about it. Because pornography is very common these days, does not mean that it is fine for your husband to watch it. It is disrespectful even if he means it or not. It is against what Christianity teaches and it is therefore not okay at all! It can be damaging for your relationship and sexual health of yours and his.

Watching pornography frequently leads to:

  • Decreased intimacy among couples
  • Decreased trust among couples
  • No interest in having sex and decreased satisfaction
  • Impractical sexual expectations
  • Trouble in arousal and completion of intercourse
  • A spike in problems among couples
  • Higher risk of infidelity and separation

What to do if your husband is not convinced that watching porn can be bad for your marriage?

If he thinks that, then you should read more about it.

Here is a report by Convent Eyes, that shows how porn can rewire the brain and not only decrease sexual satisfaction because it is unrealistic but also lower respect for woman and deadens the sense to differentiate if an act is cruel.

You and your husband can find holy ways to get rid of this addiction that frees your soul. You must give it a try!. Click here to download Your Brain on Porn free report.

 

How To Deal With a Husband Watching Pornography

Our focus is husbands who watch porn in this article, so we do not acknowledge the women, but it is a sinful and unhealthy act that every human should keep away from.

Here is what you should do:

1. Clear Your Mind and Stop Overreacting

It is okay to overreact if you find out your husband watches porn. You may think that it is disgusting and he does not like you anymore and you fear that your marriage is falling apart. And you wonder, why he does that and is there anything he is hiding? But you should clear your mind and stop overreacting.

Your husband’s atrocious desires have nothing to do with the way you are. He may not be a pervert too; it is just that he is struggling with something. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but that does not mean it is okay either.

It means that you should deal with the issue more personally and try to understand the other side of the story. Porn addiction is a serious problem that should be dealt with but it is common and anyone can fall in its trap.

Marriages are complex, challenging and require patience anyway. If it was not for porn, then it would have been something else. You may have to use a screening program like the one by CovenantEyes. The problem of porn addiction will take some time to fade away, but together you can make it happen. You need to hope that everything will get back to normal again and he will heal!

 

2. Pray For Yourself and Your Husband

When you gather yourself after the breakdown of finding out, your husband is addicted to porn, you should try to calm down. After you calm down, you should start praying as much as you can.

You should pray to God that he gives you the wisdom and strength to deal with the circumstances and help your husband with great care, love and grace. You should also pray that God helps you see your husband as God sees him. So that you will be able to protect your heart and love and respect your husband.

After that, pray that he would stop watching porn and do not stop. Keep praying and ask God to soften your husband’s heart for you. Pray that God will give you and your husband the strength to face the problem and he resists the temptation to watch it.

Keep praying and don’t give up!

 

3. Stay Calm and Don’t Judge Him

Just like other sins are done in secrecy, so is watching pornography. If you find out about him watching porn, you should talk to him. Shed some light on the situation and talk to him.

Your husband is not an angel, and neither are you responsible for anything he does. You can convince him by stating facts but you cannot impose it like an order. You love your husband, and you care about him, fine! Now talk to him calmly. Do not act like you are in charge of him, it is not your job.

That does not mean you can’t talk to him about it. Stay calm and politely let him know that you are hurt and you want to talk about it. Also, let him know that you will be happier, if he stops.

Don’t blame him or attack him with unkind words. You are not the one supposed to judge, disapprove or condemn. You can break the ice about it and let him know that you would like to communicate about it. Find out why he is doing it and if there is any way you can help him.

Because it is a serious problem and he has been doing it in secrecy, he won’t be happy to talk about it. It is common that he would show signs of anger and defensiveness. It is a sin and when others come to know about one’s sins, they react awkwardly. One thing that is very obvious is, that he is not going to be happy or excited to open about it but communication at this point is important, so don’t give up!

Tell him what you feel and how concerned you are for him and clearly tell him that you would like him to stop that. Once you have done that, you can pray to God and request God to change his heart.

 

4. Stay Strong Even If it is Difficult

If your husband is stubborn and keeps telling you that it is not a big deal, don’t fall for it. You need to stay strong and stay consistent with your efforts. Many people do think that it is not a bad thing but personally, I think it is no less than cheating on your wife and adultery. (Your opinion can be different)

Sex is for one man and one woman and it should be within the confinement of a marriage. If the husband goes to someone else in reality or imagination to feel that pleasure and fulfill his needs than it is wrong. If he watches pornography, it is wrong! It can diminish your marriage slowly and gradually and you should not allow that.

It is a lie that Christian men and women believe, that watching porn can give them some great tips for their sex life. It not an excuse either if one of the partners is not in the mode to have sex.

 

5. Define Boundaries for Each Other

All being well, conversation with your husband will go fine as expected. He will be sorry and will promise to not do that again and will try to never go back to it again. But if it is the other way around

he’ll be terribly sorry, and promise to work hard never to look at porn again. If this is the case, you may want to sit down and work on setting some boundaries together.

You need to talk about what behavior is tolerable and when it is not? Should he and you go to some places you should not? What habits, both of you should quit? What can be done to help him resist porn addiction?

Even if things don’t go as planned and the conversation does not reach the goal, you should stand your ground and make some boundaries.

Let him know what you are expecting from him and what should be the progress. Also, define at what point you are going to tolerate this behavior and when you are going to say ‘NO, this is enough!’.  Also decide when that is going to happen and what will be your next step.

 

6. Find Someone’s Accountability

Setting boundaries is an important thing but holding your husband accountable for his actions is important. He may not be able to resist the temptation of watching it again. You need to create a sense of accountability in him so that he knows someone is going to ask him, how is he doing.

For your husband, because he is a man, the perfect person, who can hold him responsible is his brother, his close friend, or a fellow church associate.

If your husband does not seem to give up. Consider opting for a service such as CovenantEyes. The screening software is an inconspicuous way to watch over what he is doing when on the internet. Let another man of his choice, who is close to him take charge of the situation and hold him accountable if required.

Have you experienced this situation in your life? What was your reaction and how did you respond to your husband who watches porn?

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