Does Marriage Reconciliation Work After Separation?
Now you have separated from your spouse for some time. I bet you wonder whether marriage reconciliation after separation will work for you and save your marriage from falling apart or it’s just a waste of time.
Does marriage Reconciliation After Separation Work?
Separation is a period filled with anguish, resentment, distrust, and confusion. Perhaps, you started a marriage separation with a good intention, but separation eventually backfired on you – it may draw both you and your spouse into an endless fight or argument; both of you may never think that things can get into such a tangle. And now you worry that your marriage is going to end in divorce if things go on like this. In this case, are there still chances of saving the failing marriage? What should you do to survive the separation?
Anyway, do not do “premature truncations” unless you sign divorce papers, please believe that there is still a chance to survive in an unhappy marriage.
Marriage reconciliation after separation tips regarding your relationship status
Accept the fact that both of you are separated
Now you two have lived apart, you can hardly go back to the relationship status that is before separation, so you have to accept the fact; the more you resist accepting the seemingly unacceptable situation, the more suffering you feel during separation.
If everything went well before, then the separation will not happen to you, so you have to admit that there exist some problems in the relationship. Well, whatever your problem is, you should manage to change it for the better. And share with your spouse your desired changes; also, active interaction is needed for reaching a new agreement that you both can accept.
Talk about the good times you spent together
Inevitably, you two may mention the past consciously or unconsciously. In that case, you might try to talk more about positive things, such as the happy time that you spent together, something about your partner that you truly admired, and so on. However, don’t criticize each other for the unpleasant past or the break up of the relationship, and be particularly careful not to point fingers at each other.
When it comes to those controversial issues that are closely associated with the marital separation, you might reflect on what you have done wrong first, and take the initiative to confess your mistakes to him/her, and then suggest some beneficial solutions for ensuring the future development of your relationship.
BTW, upon noticing that your spouse looks uncomfortable/emotionally momentarily during the conversation about the unpleasant past, you had better instantly stop the conversation in its tracks, a good idea is to move to another related topic that can interest your spouse. Otherwise, that tends to trigger a blame game. Keep in mind that only when two parties can approach an issue without emotional discomfort, can the two of you have effective communication.
Let your spouse feel your feelings
To clearly express your desire for marriage reconciliation after separation, you may restart your communication with your spouse nicely and subtly. If your spouse gives you a positive response to please you, don’t forget to validate him/her in time, especially when you notice he/she is making an effort to reconcile the relationship. Meanwhile, show your natural emotions, and there is no need to act in a deliberately artificial or exaggerated way; let your spouse feel your feelings, and let him/her realize that you sincerely want to move the relationship forward.
For numerous unhappy couples, it is a tough task to speak to each other unreservedly. So make sure to be sincere to your spouse, when you seek reconciliation after separation. Your sincere efforts and sincere heart can work wonders; understandably, you may have not been perfectly frank with your spouse for a long time. Anyway, don’t be embarrassed to do that, there is no better way to make your man understand your feelings than expressing your feelings sincerely.
Learn to use your sincere apology
If you decide to walk the path of reconciliation, it is a must that let go of pain and anger. Be aware that forgiving, being open to change, and rebuilding trust are three essential ingredients of marriage reconciliation after separation. It is often the case that one spouse says heartbreak words to the other one on an impulse, that prompts the other’s thought of divorce and then the other does indeed takes action towards getting those divorce papers; but as a consequence, the hasty actions put each other out on a limp, and the couple will regret it sooner or later; beyond question, any impulsive decision is invariably harmful; so if you admit that you ever separated from your spouse on the spur of the moment, you should learn to use your sincere apology to heal your emotional trauma that has been left untreated before.
Like a lot of people, if you also find it difficult to apologize and admit err and wrongdoing in front of your spouse, you have to change your mindset; apology should be viewed as an essential part of a healthy marriage. Apologizing to your spouse when appropriate can promote forgiveness, validate your spouse’s feelings, and allow you two to move on from the unpleasant past.
Learn from other reunited couples success stories
Many times, you know it is possible to reunite with your spouse as long as you keep working hard, but at the same time, you also struggle with tiredness, depression, and lack of motivation. In this case, you should seek ways to keep yourself in a positive frame of mind so that you can proceed with the process of restoring your marriage.
If you are still confused about issues concerning marriage reconciliation after separation, you might as well observe how other separated couples reunited again. Probably, you will get inspiration from other people’s success stories. It is very wise to draw lessons from true stories of going through a marital crisis and then living together again. If you express your inner feelings and opinions about your marital separation in the presence of those people who have ever experienced marital separation, most likely they will be pleased to tell you that love can be sweeter if you can make your marriage through to the second round.
Focus on regaining personal stability
Guard against acting on your negative emotions, no matter how provocative your spouse’s words are. If you immediately react to what he/she says to you at that moment, he/she will haunt you; and this kind of argument and fight will only further tear the relationship apart. To get through separation in marriage, you should understand that regaining personal stability is much more important than identifying who is the real troublemaker. In most cases (except for violent cases), the best way to stay out of trouble is to keep acting instead of reacting.
Ponder how your extreme words and extreme actions may aggravate the already bad situation, and a lot of escalating conflicts can also be avoided, as long as you notice their warning signs in time. Sometimes, you may choose to back off and allow yourself the space to calm down if provoked. If your spouse clings to his/her rightness and has no intention to fall for a certain conflict, you do not have to manage to defeat him/her in the argument; no matter who wins the intense argument, the viewpoint conflict tends to be escalated into an actual confrontation; if you notice your spouse suddenly becomes particularly confrontational but you don’t want to back off at that moment, you will fall into your spouse’s game and you will lose easily too.
In the conversation with your spouse during separation, pay special attention to your speech and gestures, try to avoid things that can be regarded as being threatening or violent. Now that you decide to save your marriage, whether the next happening things will damage your relationship or not should be taken into consideration before reacting to your spouse’s sensitive words and actions, and be aware that sometimes you do not have to do react to your spouse to avoid making things worse.
Admit you made some mistakes
It takes two to tango, and the marriage relationship is also not exceptional. The marriage reconciliation after separation involves the actions of both sides. To get your marriage back on track, both sides should frankly acknowledge their mistakes that resulted in the breakup, at least, you might acknowledge your own mistakes first since you are more willing to repair the marriage. And you should be cautious not to repeat making the same mistake again and again; and even if your spouse makes the same mistake again, you should also try to avoid falling into the trap of playing the blame game, instead, you should learn to resolve problems and conflicts peacefully.
Although it is not easy to swallow your pride and admit that you were wrong, you have to be strong enough to face up to the fact and fully acknowledge your mistakes. When you both acknowledge your own mistakes frankly, this helps lay a new foundation that you both can share responsibility for marriage recovery. Surely, it is still possible to save your marriage even if only you want, but only one-sided efforts are bound to decrease the chances of the marriage reconciliation after separation.
Seek professional help
If you think it is necessary to allow the third party to intervene in your failing marriage, you may ask for help from a counselor or therapist to deal with the issues that caused the separation. In many cases, after mediation from the third party, communication between spouses can become smoother and more honest. Marriage counseling sessions can aid a problematic couple to pinpoint and address the weakness and faults in the relationship; anyway, you will gain an in-depth understanding of why your marriage is worth saving and how divorce can impose an impact on your future life, especially if you have children.
To be honest marriage counseling costs a lot of money and the truth is it’s ineffective if you’re looking for a professional who can help you get your marriage back on track, the only program that I recommend to my readers is the Marriage Fitness Program by Mort Fertel, he’s not a marriage counselor, he’s a world authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation. He’s success rate is 90% which is pretty high compared to others so called marriage counselors. This guy knows what he does and has been in the business for a long time, so be sure he will help you save your marriage and get things back to normal like it used to be when you meet your partner.