Questions To Ask When Confronting A Cheating Spouse
There is no big pain in the world than the pain of being deceived by your lover. On finding it out, you may not be able to think straight and may find it difficult to make up your mind on what to do next and it’s completely alright and understandable.
The best thing to do is to talk with your spouse to answer all those questions running up in your mind.
Consider These Tips Before Approaching Your Unfaithful Spouse
At first, your spouse may get scared and defensive as well as frustrated when you approach him/her with your probation. That is why you need to remain calm and composed throughout so that no further mishaps occur.
Below are some of the tips and questions that you can ask your husband about.
- Don’t make life long decisions shortly after finding out about their infidelity.
- Neither as an affair nor revenge, starting your own affair is not allowed.
- Don’t make empty threats or ultimatum that you won’t be able to act upon.
Now let us read on to find the top questions you can approach your spouse with once you find out that they have been cheating on you.
Questions To Ask When Confronting A Cheating Spouse
1. Can you answer all my questions with sheer honesty?
It might seem like a fair first question as if they don’t plan to answer you honestly, there is no point of continuing with this probation. Also, if they are not being honest with you even now, then you are very unlikely to trust them anymore. Tell them how crucial it is for you to know the truth so just don’t hide things for the sake of not hurting you.
Let us hope that your spouse plans to be honest with you right now. If however, they say they can’t for some reason understand that they either don’t want to say the truth and hurt you or they just don’t care. Either way, they are not helping you in the situation and that’s why the wisest thing to do would be to move on with dignity.
If they agree to confide in you and tell you everything honestly, you can continue with question 2.
2. Why did you agree to get involved with this person?
What caused them to seek solace out of their relationship? There must be some very good reason for them to have taken such a huge risk, and you need to be aware of those.
It is an important question as it will help you understand their point of view as well. As may be, they might not be happy with this relationship and therefore have decided to go out.
Once you get your answer, tell your cheating spouse that you would need time to ponder over their answer and decide whether it is enough of a reason for you. Although they are being honest with you, it does not mean they can cheat and justify themselves.
3. Did you feel guilty about cheating?
This is a very important question as it would help you, the dumpee in the relationship to some extent thinking at least their partner felt bad for deceiving them. It would also entail that they were now and still are aware of your feelings for them.
Why this question? Because this question is for your satisfaction. Out of all that you have lost, it might help you feel a little bit good that your spouse regretted. If their response shows you that they were and still are guilty, tell them how you feel and whether you will be able to give them a second chance.
4. Do you have feelings for them?
This question is for you and your cheating spouse alike. For instance, if they still have feelings for them you don’t want to tie them to you and keep them and yourself unhappy. So is the case with you, if you know your partner has still got feelings for someone else can you live with them?
If their answer is yes, it’s time to end the relationship dear.
However, if their answer is a no, you can tell them that you may consider giving them a second chance, however, it’s wholly up to you.
5. Will you stop seeing this person altogether?
If your partner is still in contact with their affair, it can become impossible for you to move on with this relationship. Even if they say they won’t repeat the history, truth is, the history will repeat itself because it becomes impossible to resist and not repeat when you are in constant contact with them.
This question should be asked to make sure that your cheating partner is ready to give up on any kind of contact they may have with that person.
If their answer is yes and they are reluctant or hesitant to break the contact, you need to consider moving on your own. However, if they say no, or that they will, you can consider giving them another chance.
6. Did they make you feel differently than I do?
The answer to this question could prove to be the most painful answer from the top 10 answers you are getting from your unfaithful spouse.
Still, it could prove to be a very crucial question as it might help you understand whether they made your spouse feel more loved, cared, confident, and relaxed. It will help you in seeing what’s missing in your marriage.
If they answer open-heartedly and tell you even small details and specifics, you can use those details to work harder this time around, or you may just tell them to move out of your life.
7. How long did the affair last?
This question can help you know about the mental state of your partner and whether they are ashamed and feel guilty or have they made up their mind that it’s okay to love someone outside their marriage.
When someone cheats and feels guilt for it, they don’t take too long before ending things, however, if this affair has been going on for a long time, chances are that your cheating spouse is not at all guilty about their actions.
If your partner tells you that it was an onetime thing for them and they repent their action, it can be said to be safer to move on. However, if it has been long, you will have to reconsider.
8. Are you sorry for cheating or for getting caught?
Amongst the top 10 most important questions that you should ask your cheating spouse is whether they are genuinely sorry or they are just saying sorry because they have been caught.
Chances are the latter is true as come to think about it, they have been cheating even now before you confronted them, so what changes suddenly that causes them to feel sorry?
So, in short, if they are sorry for cheating it’s a good sign and you may give them another chance. However, if they are just sorry because they are caught, he or she will cheat again.
9. Do you think you deserve to be forgiven?
It is an important question to be asked by your partner to see their perspective and why and how they think their relationship can ever move on? It’s also a good reminder for them that you have been greatly hurt and now they have to put extra effort to resolve your dilemma.
If your partner says they think they should be forgiven, ask what they can do or achieve to be forgiven?
10. Are you willing to get professional help so we can heal?
Out of all the top questions, the answer to this one would help you understand what potential lies in your marriage.
If they are willing to take professional advice, tell them their willingness is appreciated and that they are taking the matter seriously.
If they don’t plan to get any professional help, you might want to leave them alone and move on with your life as their reluctance indicates their unwillingness to carry on this relationship.
The key to success in this situation would be to stay calm and calculated throughout, no matter how much you want to wail out or pull your or their hair out…
You need to be able to make up your mind by the end of these questions that whether you should consider giving your cheating partner a second chance or it’s useless and you should move on.
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